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My current dilemma involves something I've been questioning of myself lately. But to explain, I need to roll back time a bit. Historically, I've been rather lax about getting things taken care of to my complete satisfaction. For example, I purchase an item, be it a radio or a pair of jeans, a car... whatever, and there is something not quite right about these things. The buttons on the radio might not work predictably, the jeans might be the wrong size, and any number of things could be wrong with the car. I used to just accept these flaws. I felt it wasn't worth the effort or stress to exchange the jeans for the proper size and considered it a lesson to myself: "be sure to try the jeans on before buying them, dummy." Put in the effort up front to avoid the stress later if something doesn't work out. I never really put the time in up front, I just don't have the time, so it always comes down to what I do after the damage has been done. Do I return the item or exchange it or get it fixed?

Lately I've been putting significantly more effort into getting things right. I am sure to make exchanges, I am sure to get things fixed no matter how long it takes... and you know what? It sucks. I tell myself that once it's all made right to my satisfaction, then I will be completely happy with whatever it is and I will no longer doubt or wring my hands and all will be good, but I'm not sure that's how it works. Instead, I feel like things are never right. There's always something that can be made more fixed. I am stressing over things because they aren't perfect and I think it's my responsibility to ensure things are made perfect so I don't have to worry about them anymore.

Moving on from the generally material issues to the physical and psychological... now we're talking about me. I have experienced chronic pain for pretty much as long as I can remember. Generally neck and back pain, but there are plenty of off-shoots that affect every micron of my body. Pain in my arms, legs, face... that's right, my face hurts. Lots. I actually take pain-killers not because of my back pain, but because my face hurts. I've seen lots of doctors and had lots of diagnostic tests and pretty much everyone tells me I'm healthy. So I wonder, does everyone feel this much pain all the time? I've assumed it's normal, but at some point, this much pain can't be normal. Living can't always hurt this much, right? So my big dilemma is how much effort should I put into making this fixed? What is a satisfactory amount of pain and discomfort? How much should I bitch and moan about needing to be "healthy" by my standards and not the doctors'? Do I even know what that means?

I suppose it comes down to a quality of life thing. Life is important and you should put some effort into improving your life, not just for yourself, but because if you are happy, then others around you will be happier as well. But what level of attention on one's comfort is "enough?" How much time, energy and money should I invest in myself? Particularly when I already feel tapped out on all the other things in my life?

I feel completely unguided here. There's no metric for any of this, but I desperately want to find one. If you are this tall, you can ride the coaster. What does it take to do the fun stuff in life without being distracted and drained by all the crappy stuff? And since all of this seems self-induced, finding that balance is pretty much the most important thing ever. So really, how much is enough?